Life takes many turns... when we decide somethings, a few happens few evaporates. Sadness brings its on toll on senses. Neither we contemplate anything nor things occur on their own. The world seems dark, selfish, greedy and treacherous. We look at things blindly, perceive them according to our ideas and get satisfied. And we think, we are the so-called intellectual, poet and philosopher, in a way believe self as the Master of the World.
When we look at the reality, world appears as cruel as a butcher. And the fantasy world disappears. Ego-clashes, struggle for honour and respect begins here. Why I am writing all this crap in this box? Because I am sad, unhappy, not liking the current happenings and somewhere struggling for my self respect. Since teenage am taking my own decisions. Some decisions wrote a success story some ended in failures and blunders. Same happened in certain recent cases too.
I don't claim that I am Alexandra and want to conquer world within a few years. But i do dream, desires to become master of my own world. It may be a massive blunder that i try many things at the same time. I know sailing into two boats never takes you anywhere. But am confuse, destination is success, to be rich, be respected, but have no ideas about the paths. There is no guide, no godfather to bring me to esteem.
I do have short term, long term goals but for all that I need money. And its really a sorrow state that i hardly have a few penny with me. Friends, I respect your advices, I am taking all your suggestions, hearing them, trying to get them with positive spirit, fighting with the egoist inside to curb his fantasies. I know life is not a fairytale that life will change with a magic wand. Nor its poetry where we talk her smile is the world to me. Definitely, smile can only come with a filled belly an empty stomach can just give acidity.
I planned for business and now dropping the idea for a while. It doesn't mean i suck. Its just that i need money. May be a job can help me. I reached up to this decision not by own instincts but i really pondered upon all of yours suggestions. I know am not that good at responding when you suggests. May be i can't act or the man inside doesn't allow me to do so. At the core am a countryman. Who is straight, blunt and can never be diplomatic.
Recently, I was so frustrated that i decided not to write any poem, if writing not to post on blog or on Facebook. But poetry runs in my blood. This is something i can't live without. I feel i write. In between I warned myself, Asim no more poetry, but words did reveled to me but i didn't pen them. Then she asks write some poetry for me, and the bird flies.
Although, am slogging at the moment but still patterns are changing, earlier saddened clouds are slowly disappearing, whether its in the case of academics or professional life. Delivered my last lecture at S.N.D.T yesterday. The only place where i behave as a king, ofcourse, a teacher is always the ruler in his class. I don't know if i will be teaching to the next batch, as a job may not allow me to do so.
Well, its 2:34 AM now, though am not that sleepy but its better to stop here. Because my story is too boring, and has no melodrama. Intend to write a few couplets, the only way i release the frustration. And make other realise that am a real fool. Who is never going to take his life seriously. Yup, a countryman, an ignoramus and a fool, as i believe like Ibn-e-Safi's Imran, a wise fool.
So, guys do pray for me. I will revert with the same. Love :)
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